


Innuendo, In Your End-o

by Pilferingstarlight



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Double Entendre, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Sex, Innuendo, M/M, One Shot, Phanfiction, Sex Toys, Sexual Humor, Stupidity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2017-07-20
Packaged: 2018-12-04 12:21:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11555103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pilferingstarlight/pseuds/Pilferingstarlight
Summary: Dan, who was by this time exhausted, held up a whisk covered in creamy white liquid.“I told you that wouldn’t work.” He whined. “I can’t believe you made me do that.”“It’s called overcoming your fears, Daniel.”(AKA the one where Dan and Phil's neighbors aren't really sure what to make of the strange sounds coming from next door.)





	Innuendo, In Your End-o

**Author's Note:**

> I may or may not have been kinda high when I wrote this last night so... enjoy I guess???

The neighbors of Dan Howell and Phil Lester stopped what they were doing and listened in horrified silence. They were used to odd noises coming from the apartment where the two quirky (and possibly famous?) men lived together, but this was unlike anything they’d ever heard. One neighbor rolled his eyes and turned up the volume on the t.v., one neighbor started drafting a well-worded complaint to the landlord, and one neighbor frantically tried to distract her four year old daughter, while trying to come up with an innocent explanation for the grunts and moans that could be heard through the walls. 

Inside Dan and Phil’s apartment, things were an even bigger mess than any of their neighbors could have ever imagined. The room was a mess, almost all their belongings strewn about or knocked out of place as a result of what they were doing. Dan, who was by this time exhausted, held up a whisk covered in creamy white liquid.

“I told you that wouldn’t work.” He whined. “I can’t believe you made me do that.”

“It’s called overcoming your fears, Daniel.” 

“You _know_ how I feel about whisks, though.”

Phil took the whisk from Dan, examined it, then took some of the white liquid on his fingertip and popped it in his mouth. Dan wrinkled his nose. 

“That’s disgusting.”

“Tastes pretty good, actually. Best I’ve tasted yet.” Phil said, smiling. 

Dan took the whisk from him, shuddering, and tossed it over his shoulder. “We need something better. That didn’t quite do the job.” 

Phil held up a large metallic object. “Will this do?”

Dan shook his head. “I was thinking something more… mechanical.” 

Phil’s eyes flashed. “Oh, Dan, I like where you’re going with this.” 

“Hey, you said you wanted to mix things up. This is how.” 

They set up the contraption and turned it on. After a few deliciously suspenseful moments, Dan said, “I think it’s working.” 

Phil shook his head. “I need to get it in at a better angle. Then, I think it would work better.”

“Why not just turn it up?”

“Oh. Are… you sure?” 

“God, yes.”

They turned the mechanical contraption to a higher setting. It didn’t take long before things went out of control, Dan yelped, and the white stuff splattered everywhere. 

“Phil,” He moaned after recovering from the inital shock. “Look what you made me do!”

“I lost my grip! Sorry!”

“You have to clean this all up.” Dan said, knowing perfectly well he would be helping Phil clean up the entire mess. 

“With my tounge, gladly.” 

Dan glared at him. “You are the most disgusting person I’ve ever met.” 

They cleaned up in silence for a while, both struggling to think of what to do next. Dan cracked a smile. 

“You know, I’ve always wanted to try doing something like this blindfolded.”

Phil wrinkled his nose. “Are you insane? That’s such a bad idea! Not to mention dangerous…”

“Ok, I’m just saying… you were talking about how you think we should spice things up…”

“I know what I said, stop telling me what I said! And besides, if we want to spice things up, we should use this.” He held up an opaque jar, filled with something Dan knew was dangerous and exciting. 

Dan thought for a second, considering Phil’s offer. “No, not today. Not this time.” 

Once they’d finished cleaning up their mess, they stood up and faced each other. Dan, who was still thinking about the whisk, let his eyes travel down Phil’s front, to a spot on him where a creamy white glob still clung. Would it be gross if he reached over and stuck it in his mouth? 

Yes, that would be disgusting. He thought, pulling his eyes from Phil. Phil tapped him on the shoulder. 

“Well, Danny, what do we do now?”

“Now? Well since ‘mixing it up’ was such a disaster, I say we just go at it with our hands and fingers for a while until we get the desired results.”

Phil couldn’t help feel giddy at the idea of hands and fingers. “Alright, then. Do you want to go first or should I…”

“No, I’ll go first.” 

Dan bent his head and started working at it with his hands in a kneading, pulling motion. Phil let his head fall back, and stared at the ceiling while Dan went to town. 

“It’s not working! What the hell, Phil?” 

“Just keep trying.”

Dan kept going at it. When it was clear that nothing was happening, he groaned. 

“Maybe we shouldn’t be wearing these outfits?” He asked, doubtfully. 

Phil shook his head. “The outfits are great. It’s what completes it.” 

Dan kept kneading and pulling. After a while, Phil’s face lit up. 

“Oh! Dan! It’s working! It’s working, it’s working, it’s working, it’s working!” 

“I know it’s working, I’m right here, you spork.” 

Phil felt they were reaching the climax of the experience. Not wanting to miss a second of it, he concentrated as best he could on Dan’s face. He watched as Dan’s hands slipped, and a splatter of the creamy white stuff got on his clothes, too. 

“Sorry.” Phil said. 

“Not your fault.” Dan replied, wiping at his shirt. He took a fingerful of the stuff, inspected it, shrugged, and popped it in his own mouth. 

“Not bad.” He said, mildly. “Wouldn’t want to eat a spoonful of it, but it’s certainly not terrible.” 

“Well, I did make it myself.” Phil said. “Made from scratch, all natural ingredients.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “You’re so stupid, you know that right?” 

“Yeah… hey, wanna order takeout after this?” Phil said.

“Of course. I always get so hungry when we do this.” Dan said. 

“And I’m kind of ready to be done with this.” 

“Me too.” Dan’s eyes flickered to the corner of the room, where a camera sat. “Should we stop filming?” 

“Ugh, yeah. I’m done if you are.” Phil said. 

“Yeah, I’m done.”

Dan sighed. “ I honestly don’t know what kind of weirdo enjoys watching this kind of stuff. Especially when we’re two grown men…” 

“Shh, as long as we’re getting paid.” Phil said, under his breath. Then he turned to the camera and smiled. 

“Once you’ve mixed your angel food cake batter… either with an electric mixer or with your hands, you need to pour it into a medium sized pan, and pop it in the oven for 20 minutes.” He said in a cheerful voice. 

Dan smiled and pulled up the hood on his dinosaur onesie. “This is really bringing a new definition to the concept of “hands on”, eh Phil?” 

Phil rolled his eyes. “Don’t make me smack you with that whisk, Daniel.” 

Carefully, they poured the creamy white cake batter into the pan, and placed it in the oven. Phil turned back to the camera. 

“Time warp to 20 minutes later starts… now!” He said, waving his hands. Then he stood back and put the camera on pause. 

“I’ll edit some ‘time warp’ effects later on.” He explained. 

“Well obviously.” 

“Alright, while that’s baking and before we get takeout, why don’t you help me clean up this kitchen. It’s a mess.” 

“Fine,” Dan groaned. 

They cleaned in satisfied silence, the work passing quickly between them. When the kitchen was cleaned to a satisfactory degree, they stood back and admired their work. The baking cake was filling the house with a heavenly, vanilla smell.

“Well,” said Dan. “Want to wait for the takeout guy in the living room?”

“Sure.” said Phil, turning out the light on his way out. 

“By the way,” He added slyly. “Your voice goes up like 5 octaves when you’re on camera. Have you noticed?”

“Oh shut up.”

The neighbors were never quite sure what to make of Dan and Phil, or the strange sounds and conversations that seeped through the walls of their apartment.


End file.
